Back to school: How to help kids with first-day jitters & anxiety

By Ashley Mangum and Tovah Fairshot

Back-to-school jitters are a natural form of anxiety for many children, generally resulting in a mix of emotions caused by:

• Excitement to reconnect with friends
• Nervousness about new teachers and expectations
• Sadness over the loss of summer freedom

Back-to-school anxiety peaks for many children a day or two before the first day of school. Parents should carve out time to talk with kids about their feelings connected to the start of school.

The first day of school talk

Discussing the first day of school should be an open conversation between parents and children. Start by listening. Try to learn where your child is coming from and connect with empathy. Discuss new expectations at home. Help children by listening to worries, providing information and filling in gaps in their knowledge. Some examples of topics that can be points of stress for kids going back-to-school include:

Social situations at school

For some kids, school social situations elicit feelings of nervousness, concern and fear. If your child has a history of inclusion or exclusion from a group, talk about their desires for this year. If your child has experienced bullying, talk about what to look out for. If your child has been involved in bullying, these tactics may help you help your child reduce, or even stop, aggressive behaviors.

Academic anxiety

Learning new things, revisiting challenging subjects and following the general requirements of school come with twists and turns. Explore learning challenges through dialogue with your child.

If your child has general apprehension, known challenges or specific concerns, ask to have a conversation with their teacher. This way the teacher gains an understanding of the concern. Together, you can likely develop an effective approach to learning for your child.

It can be a big help for your child to know they have your support, and that their teacher is engaged. Inform children you are working with their school, and where appropriate, encourage children to be a part of this dialogue. Be sure to keep conversations within your family. If your child wants to speak with others about it, they will.

Summer break

The mourning of summer and loss of freedom is common for many children. A good way to talk about this is to ask your child what their top three, five, even 10 summer highlights were. Then, talk about the highlights of the past school year and excitement for the upcoming year. The key is not to diminish any experiences, but rather to demonstrate that a range of experiences exist both during summer and throughout the school year.

Each season brings something to celebrate and look forward to. Avoid the easy temptation to simply focus on the negative. Rather, point out the strengths and adaptive skills you have learned about your child and family as you continue to navigate new challenges together.

When your child’s anxiety might indicate a larger issue

For some children, back-to-school anxiety can become more pronounced or may reflect more significant underlying anxiety. To help determine if your child’s anxiety is more severe and warrants outside support, watch for the following:

Behavioral and physical symptoms of anxiety in children

Children who are very uncomfortable due to anxiety may begin to avoid what they fear. School refusal, crying, increased irritability, withdrawal, or regressed behavior like bedwetting, baby talk, reduction in talking or refusal to speak can be signs of severe distress. Physical symptoms of distress such as headache, nausea, vomiting, changes in sleep or appetite, and general complaints of fatigue or not feeling well, may also be signs.

If your child is struggling with physical symptoms, it’s important to rule out illness by checking in with your child’s pediatrician. If illness is ruled out and symptoms continue, your pediatrician may suggest referring your child to a counselor or psychologist who can address underlying anxiety, develop a support plan and identify coping mechanisms.

Persistent symptoms of anxiety in children

Anxiety and related symptoms that are present for more than half the days of the week, for over three to four consecutive weeks, may reflect something more substantial. When symptoms remain for a month or more, it’s wise to check in and seek outside support from your pediatrician or a behavioral health professional to address your child’s distress.

Impact on day-to-day functioning

While the experience of worry is common for all of us, ongoing anxiety can take a toll. When a child’s worry or anxiety begins to disrupt home, school, social, physical or other aspects of life, it is likely time to seek support.

Addressing concerns early with a behavioral health counselor or psychologist is recommended. Early behavioral health support can help children explore positive coping resources before less-adaptive coping becomes firmly rooted and more difficult to change.

If your child is referred to a counselor, plan to be present on the first visit to meet them, offer your input and express your concerns. It’s likely a counselor will also meet with your child alone because children may be more apt share with a new person when their parent is not in the room.

Parents, you got this!

Reading this post shows you care for your children and want to support them. You’re ready for the back-to-school jitters conversation.

When you talk with your child, don’t forget to set yourself up for success, too.

Parents’ checklist for back-to-school success

• Check your behavior. Children tend to mimic parental behaviors and pick up on stress. Take a relaxing breath. Be kind to yourself and your kids. Practice patience and abundant grace for yourself and your child during this transitional period.
• Help your kids get plenty of rest with a set bedtime and wake-up time.
• Eat regular meals and have healthy snacks available.
• Move your bodies. You and your children should work toward 30 minutes of exercise every day. This can be within or outside the home.
• Give your child something to look forward to. An outfit or a special breakfast, snack or lunch for the first day of school can help increase positive feelings.
• Create predictability and consistency at home with a routine. Set up a special to-do list or calendar for your child to check off during the day. This keeps them on schedule, increases consistency at home and gives them something to look forward to when they complete it.

The last few years have presented so many new challenges to children and grown-ups alike. We’re all learning as we go. Keep listening to your kids, empathizing with them and having conversations. The stability you provide as a parent is a major asset in helping to soothe your child’s anxiety.

This article is sponsored by the MultiCare Behavioral Health Foundation, a nonprofit organization focused exclusively on raising crucial funding to support people in need of behavioral health care treatment and services. Tax-deductible gifts help fund critical programs and services, including Kids Mental Health Pierce County. Donate today.

Chris Ladish, PhD, AVP of the Bessler Center for Community Child Health at MultiCare Mary Bridge Children’s, also contributed to this article.

Editor’s note: This article was originally published in August 2020 and updated in August 2022.

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