Daddy 101 class guides first-time fathers before, during and after childbirth

Gone are the days of dads pacing the hospital hallway, waiting to hear their baby has arrived. While they can’t take on the job of labor, there’s plenty they can do before, during and after to be a supportive partner and prepared father.

“There’s not a division of jobs anymore,” says Brian Barbero, RN, labor and delivery emergency nurse at MultiCare Deaconess Hospital. “You are one unit and have to look after these babies together.”

Barbero is the lead instructor of Deaconess’ Daddy 101 class — an intensive crash course that prepares first-time dads on everything from changing a diaper, swaddling and birth plans to supporting their partner during labor, spotting postpartum depression and managing stress.

Most important, though: Barbero wants new fathers walking into the nursery with confidence.

“We want to give first-time dads the tools and confidence they need to be successful with mom and baby in those critical first few months,” he says. “We talk about the practical things and all the fun stuff. But we also dive into the hard things and those you may not expect.”

Parenting is stressful, but with a good foundation Barbero believes first-time fathers can hit the ground running.

Start with the basics

“Sometimes we have dads who’ve never seen or had any exposure to kids, labor or pregnancy, and now they’re jumping in the deep end,” Barbero says. “The class is built to be an open forum, very hands-on, and give them lots of opportunities to ask questions.”

Dads work with baby manikins and practice the basics: holding and burping the baby, supporting their neck, changing a diaper, and bottle feeding.

Many first-time dads think they’re going to hurt their babies, he says. Newborns are built to last, though, so he encourages dads to get in there and take some of that workload off their partner.

Once his students show confidence with the basics, Barbero moves on to the bigger lessons.

Support during labor

One of the most important things dads can do as the due date nears is make sure they’re on the same page as their partner, Barbero says. Discuss what to pack in the hospital bag, how to prepare for an at-home birth and what decisions you’re comfortable with in the event of an emergency.

“When [mom] gets into labor, allow her focus on that and nothing else, and be her advocate with the care team,” he says. “Your role is to be their biggest supporter … you have to know what and how to communicate her needs.”

When everyone’s on the same page, it helps ensure a positive experience and reduces the risk of birth trauma for moms, Barbero adds.

First-time dads should also remember that sometimes labor doesn’t go as planned, and their reaction in the moment is critical. Barbero himself had two of his children spend time in the neonatal intensive care unit (NICU). He uses that experience to show his students that even the best-laid plans can go awry, and gives tips on how to remain calm.

“No one expects to be there, and we talk about what to expect,” he says. “It can be really scary for parents. I tell them it’s OK to ask questions and touch the baby, even when they’re hooked up to all those wires.”

It’s a team effort

Whether your partner has an easy labor or your baby spends time in the NICU, Barbero stresses the importance of remaining a team. First-time parents often don’t know what to expect, so supporting each other is key, he adds.

“We talk right off the bat about how sleep loss is very real. You’re going to be really stressed out those first few days and weeks back home,” he says. “Don’t let your partner over-exhaust or overextend themselves. Make sure you show up, too.”

It’s not uncommon for new mothers to think they have to do it all and not ask for help, Barbero says. That’s where dad can step up — take turns napping and watch out for one another’s mental health.

He also covers stress management strategies and how to recognize postpartum depression warning signs.

“Postpartum is huge, and isn’t just the few days right after birth — it’s four to six weeks after you get out of the hospital,” Barbero says. “Sometimes it’s your job to initiate the conversation that moms may not be recognizing. I harp on them to be respectful, though. It’s her time to heal and process.”

With new stress levels and sleep loss, he also reminds dads that accidents can happen. He teaches them to know the risks, like SIDS, head trauma or choking hazards, and how to avoid them.

Get help when you need it

While these dads are leaps ahead of others in skills and confidence, Barbero encourages them to keep learning and ask for help when they need it.

“Seeking education and staying informed is so important to being a parent. You need to stay on top of what’s current,” he says. “A lot of the skills you can find in books and on the internet, but knowing when to ask for help is important, and you have to tap into your network.”

Learn more and sign up for the next Daddy 101 course before spots fill up.