Your response matters: How to support sexual assault survivors & respond with care

Stopping and preventing sexual assault requires that we, as a community, talk about it.

Knowing how to start that conversation, though, can feel daunting. The King County Sexual Assault Resource Center (KCSARC) aims to make that easier by providing the guidance and resources needed to have educated, respectful and impactful conversations.

KCSARC is a state-accredited community sexual assault program and licensed mental health agency for survivors and families of all ages. As an independent nonprofit, its confidential services are kept low barrier with financial support options. Teens 13 and older can receive therapy and legal advocacy without parental notification.

With goals to empower survivors, change attitudes, shape statewide policy and remove barriers to justice and recovery, KCSARC provides a range of services, including: a 24/7 resource line, trauma-specific therapy, family services, advocacy, Spanish-language advocacy and therapy (Dando Voz), and community outreach and training.

But to understand why these resources are so necessary, it’s important to break down the misconceptions around sexual assault.

The realities of sexual assault

“Sexual assault is not a rare event that happens to other people in other places,” says Kate Garvey, CEO of KCSARC. “It is a pervasive reality. In 2025 alone, KCSARC assisted 4,820 survivors and family members.”

Almost half of KCSARC clients are under the age of 18. While the majority of clients identify as female, one in five identify as male, and 1 percent as transgender or nonbinary. Abuse occurs within families, communities, schools and workplaces, across all age groups and relationship types.

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Those are just reported cases, though. A lot of abuse goes unreported due to fear, shame or systemic barriers, meaning the true numbers are even higher, Garvey adds.

“Myths and misconceptions about sexual assault are deeply embedded in our culture … these biases cause real harm,” she says. “They make it harder for survivors to come forward, they undermine how communities respond and they can perpetuate the conditions that allow abuse to continue.”

Some of the most common harmful biases include:

• The belief that sexual assault is primarily committed by strangers
• Assumptions of what survivors “should have done,” like fought back, reported immediately or behaved differently
• Not believing survivors and being especially skeptical of survivors from marginalized communities
• The belief that men and boys cannot be survivors
• Misconceptions about consent, including the ideas that silence or a prior relationship give consent

“KCSARC’s prevention work is grounded in a simple but powerful belief: How communities respond to harm shapes whether harm continues, or is disrupted,” explains Garvey. “Knowing how to respond when someone shares that they’ve been sexually assaulted is actually a form of prevention.”

Learning how to respond and build safe spaces for reporting starts from the ground up.

Starting the conversation early is key to preventing cycles of abuse

KCSARC’s prevention team works with young people, parents/caregivers, school staff and teachers, as well as community groups and organizations to help intervene in grooming or abuse and to stop further abuse.

The nonprofit’s trainings focus on boundaries, consent, healthy communication and relationships, trauma-informed approaches, warning signs of abuse and sexual misconduct in schools, and mandatory reporting obligations.

“Many young children have had little exposure to the world outside of their own family and may not recognize abusive behaviors,” Garvey says. “Research shows that the average age a child experiences abuse is 9.”

Early, age-appropriate conversations give young kids the language and confidence to recognize and report abuse, she adds. As they grow up, they take those lessons with them into new and changing relationships, such as their first romantic partner, a teacher or a coach.

KCSARC hosts a Youth Advisory Council, which supports peer-to-peer programs in schools around King County. Student leaders’ work includes hosting trainings for peers, parents and teachers, and creating bilingual educational materials and presentations.

“A core belief of KCSARC is that young people are not just the target of prevention, but its most powerful messengers,” Garvey says.

When that message is rooted in understanding, respect and support, it can greatly affect those around them.

Why your response — in the moment — matters

How you respond to someone disclosing a sexual assault can have long-term ripple effects — good or bad.

A supportive, shame-free response can encourage a survivor to access services or report their assault to authorities. A dismissive or skeptical response could push them back into silence or even increase their risk for future abuse, Garvey says.

“(For survivors) it’s completely understandable to feel afraid,” she explains. “The most important thing you need to know is that you deserve support — regardless of when it happened, who it was, what you were doing at the time. Your experience is valid.”

At the same time, someone who is supporting a survivor and trying to help them may feel anger, sadness or confusion. Rather than letting those feelings take over, KCSARC’s advice is to focus on being a supportive and nonjudgmental listener.

Know the acronym BASER — believe, affirm, support, empower and refer — and how to act on it. Think through what you would say to someone, be aware of local resources, and avoid victim-blaming or invasive questions.

How you should respond as a friend:

• Believe them and say it directly
• Thank them for trusting you
• Listen without interrupting or trying to “fix” it
• Avoid doubt or blame statements/questions
• Ask what they need, rather than assume
• Tell them about resources like KCSARC
• Respect their timeline and comfort
• Check in to see how they’re doing

How you should respond as a teacher or school staff member:

• Listen and believe them
• Use calm, supportive language
• Avoid showing shock or distress
• Tell them you are a mandated reporter and need to involve others to keep them safe
• Know your mandatory reporting obligations — in Washington state, anyone with suspicion of abuse of a child under 18 must report to Child Protective Services and/or law enforcement
• Avoid extensive questioning
• Connect them to counselors, KCSARC or other services

How you should respond as a parent/caregiver:

• Stay calm, even if you’re shocked and/or devastated
• Believe your child
• Tell them it’s not their fault, clearly and repeatedly
• Respect their timeline and comfort
• Contact KCSARC or other services to walk through immediate options, including medical evaluation and reporting

How you should respond as a health care provider:

• Lead with belief and compassion, not investigation
• Create a consent-driven, trauma-informed exam environment
• Know the sexual assault forensic exam (SAFE) process
• Provide information about KCSARC and other services
• Know that medical costs related to a sexual assault may be covered by the Washington State Crime Victims Compensation Program

KCSARC is there to help anyone navigate next steps and how best to support the survivor. The Resource Line is available 24/7, free and confidential for survivors, families and concerned community members, at 888-998-6423.

Survivors: Find support any time, for any circumstance, with KCSARC

The KCSARC Resource Line is for anyone who needs information, support or connection to services related to sexual assault or child sexual abuse, Garvey explains. There is no cost or requirement to share identifying information.

“We often hear from survivors that they were nervous about calling at first. They weren’t sure what they would say, whether the advocate would understand or whether calling would set something into motion that they can’t control,” she says. “You should know that you are in control. You choose what to share and what not to share … advocates are not there to push toward any particular path. They’re just there to listen and to help you figure out what you need.”

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Learn more about the KCSARC Resource Line

It doesn’t matter when the assault happened or how many times you need to call — advocates are there when you need them.

“Advocates are skilled at meeting people at any stage of their journey,” Garvey adds. “Many people call years or even decades after an assault. … Trauma doesn’t have an expiration date and neither does the support at KCSARC.”

Oftentimes, just saying it out loud is the hardest part.

You may find it easier to speak with a stranger first, such as through the Resource Line. If you’d rather speak to someone in your life, here are a few tips to help decide who:

• Choose someone you trust: a friend, family member, school counselor or health care provider
• Think of someone who has shown they can listen without judgment
• Tell just the one person you feel safest with first — you don’t have to tell everyone at once

To start the conversation, try these prompts:

• “Something happened to me and I’m not sure how to talk about it. I just need someone to listen.”
• “I need some support but I’m not ready to go into details yet. Can I talk to you?”
• “I want to find out what options I have without committing to any next steps.”

Don’t let the fear or shame stop you from getting the support you deserve.