Coping with grief during the holidays
At a glance
- Holiday festivities can amplify grief for those facing the loss of a loved one
- A person’s experience with grief is individual but everyone should practice self-care
- Support those who are grieving by actively listening, acknowledging the loss and proactively reaching out
The holiday season often brings feelings of joy, connection and anticipation. But for those grieving the loss of a loved one, this time of year can also be filled with pain, uncertainty, longing and a host of other complicated emotions.
Grief can feel especially complex during the holidays. Gatherings and traditions may emphasize the absence of a loved one, and family members can have differing expectations about how to celebrate or honor the season. These differences sometimes create tension or confusion at a time that’s already emotionally charged.
Below are some ways to care for yourself if you are grieving this season and guidance for how to support others who may be experiencing loss.
Care for yourself
Grief looks different for everyone, but one thing is universal: the importance of self-care. Taking intentional steps to support your physical, emotional, mental and spiritual well-being can help you move through the holidays with compassion for yourself.
Give yourself permission to do what feels right. Grief takes a toll on your whole self: body, mind and spirit. It’s OK to decline invitations to holiday gatherings when you don’t have the energy. Trust what your body is telling you instead of wearing yourself down trying to meet others’ expectations.
Make a plan — and a have gentle exit strategy. If you’re unsure about attending a gathering, talk with the host ahead of time. Let them know you may decide the day of the event. If you do attend, plan a way to leave early if you need to — for example, by driving yourself or arranging transportation with someone who understands your situation.
Be open to new traditions. Loss often changes our sense of what feels meaningful. Give yourself permission to shift routines or create new traditions. Skipping a familiar event this year doesn’t mean you’ll never go again — it simply means you’re honoring your needs right now.
Create space for remembrance. Finding ways to acknowledge your loved one’s memory can be deeply healing. Continue a tradition you shared with your loved one. Prepare a favorite dish, watch a classic movie, go to the holiday parade that was a treasured memory. Continuing traditions can allow adults and children to work through grief in a tangible way.
Take care of your body. No matter what the holidays bring, try to stay hydrated, eat nourishing foods, move your body and get restorative rest. Meeting your body’s basic needs helps you better cope with the wide range of emotions that accompany grief.
When the body’s basic needs are met, you are better able to tolerate the spectrum of emotions associated with grief.
Supporting others who are grieving
If someone you care about is grieving this holiday season, your compassion and presence can make a meaningful difference.
Listen. Everyone experiences grief differently. Instead of assuming what might help, ask what they need and truly listen. People value the gift of being heard, even if they tell stories you’ve heard before. Celebrate their treasured memories together.
Acknowledge the loss. It can be tempting to avoid mentioning the person who has died, but silence can feel isolating. Most people experiencing loss will feel a sense of connection with a simple “I’ve been thinking about your brother today.” Follow their lead on how much or how little they want to discuss.
Reach out. In the early days after a loss, friends and family often offer immediate support. But as time passes, that support can fade — even though grief continues.
Check in regularly, especially during the holidays. Offer to spend time together, share a meal or simply send a message to let them know they’re not forgotten.
Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and healing takes time. Whether you are grieving or supporting someone who is, remember that connection, compassion and care can bring light to even the darkest seasons.
Where to get grief support
Visit MultiCare’s bereavement services for more information about counseling, grief support groups and other resources. Many local hospice agencies also offer grief and bereavement services. Find a hospice agency near you by visiting the Washington State Hospice & Palliative Care Organization website.
Additional resources
Medical review provided for this piece by Eric Krauskopf, LICSW, associate vice president, MultiCare Inpatient Behavioral Health.
What's next
- Feeling stressed? Find out how to support your mental health during the holidays
- Learn how this MultiCare Mary Bridge Children’s program helped a mother and daughter navigate grief
- Explore MultiCare’s Behavioral & Mental Health Services
