Holidays and mental health: Gaining a new perspective can help

Just as easily as we can get lost in the magic of the holidays, we can also get swept away by the chaos of it all and let our mental health fall to the wayside.

As we enter the festive season, one of MultiCare’s behavioral health experts shares her insight into the leading causes of mental health struggles, how they can present and tools to prevent or cope with those feelings.

Why is this season so taxing?

A few of the most prevalent challenges people face during the holiday season include heightened stress and anxiety; isolation and loneliness; pressure from a need for perfection; and shame and disappointment at the strike of the New Year, says Alyssa Rhodes, LHMC, MHP, adult outpatient services manager for MultiCare’s Navos Behavioral Health Hospital.

These next couple months can be a whirlwind of family gatherings, work potlucks and travel, which may knock us off our usual routines and healthy habits. We’re busy cooking, preparing for time off work or double-checking the forecast ahead of a long drive.

For some people, the holidays can be a lonely time or present challenges with family dynamics or relationships with traditions. Not to mention all the extra strain on our wallets with gifts, travel and time away from work.

With so many factors at play, it’s no surprise our mental health can take a hit, too. For some people, this may show itself through depression, anxiety attacks, substance misuse, mood changes, insomnia, fatigue or digestive issues. Many people also experience the overwhelming feeling of grief during this season.

Ultimately, it’s important we recognize these changes and identify what works best for ourselves, Rhodes says. And, of course, seek support from those around you or a professional if needed.

Gain a new perspective

Finding ways to shift our perspective and focus on what we have to be grateful for is a useful tool for those who feel isolation, pressure or disappointment, Rhodes says.

“It’s been proven that practicing gratefulness is huge in building resiliency,” she says. “It brings up chemical endorphins and allows you to cultivate joy.”

Even small shifts can go a long way. For example, reminding ourselves that even without dozens of gifts under our Christmas tree, we are fortunate to have one knowing many families can’t afford a tree this year. That change in perspective guides us to setting more realistic expectations, Rhodes says, and reminds us that we are not alone.

“It’s easy to compare your life to others on social media or in the Hallmark movies,” she says. “It can leave you feeling let down — that expectation it’s going to be so great. But we still have emotions, family dynamics, money challenges, etc.”

Know your priorities and boundaries

Setting honest and transparent priorities and boundaries with yourself and others is another proactive way to lessen the opportunities to be overwhelmed and stressed, Rhodes explains.

We may want to say yes to every invite and fit all the festivities in between, but for many, maintaining a sense of normalcy and routine can help support our emotional well-being, too.

Just listen to yourself, Rhodes reminds us. That may mean squeezing in an afternoon walk when you can’t make it to your usual workout class or stepping away for a few minutes to recharge.

“No one will miss you for stepping away for five minutes,” she says.

For times when you just can’t make it, transparency is key. Rhodes says the best way to approach boundaries and limits is with clear, simple statements like “That won’t work for me,” “I don’t have time for that” or “That’s out of my budget this year.”

“Boundaries are tough. The people you have to set boundaries with typically don’t respond well,” she says. “It’s important to manage who you want to be around and hold your boundaries, because them being crossed is the No. 1 thing that leads to burnout and resentment.”

It may feel uncomfortable, but nobody can make you do anything, she says.

Making realistic and attainable plans

Having a better understanding of your priorities for the season and shifting your perspective about what the “perfect holiday” looks like takes active and realistic planning.

Just like we budget for everyday life, setting and sticking to a budget for gifts, events and travel will help ensure you’re not in a constant state of worry over your upcoming bills.

And don’t forget to celebrate the small wins, Rhodes says. Be proud of yourself for sticking to the budget or preparing for a few extra days off work to relax. That perspective, she says, also translates well into our New Year’s resolutions.

“As we know, New Year’s is a time of reflection, both past and future,” she says. “That’s the time people want to make a lot of goals for themselves. Inherently, that’s not bad, but be mindful if you’re a person who gets upset when you don’t achieve them.”

If you commonly find yourself disappointed or questioning your strength or worth when you don’t achieve everything you said you would, Rhodes says it’s important to approach goals with a cautious mindset and allow for check-ins as the year goes by.

“Make sure some goals are super attainable or make smaller goals as you go instead to set yourself up for success,” she says. “Instead of a weight loss goal, set a goal to be healthier and set what that means to you.”

Rhodes reminds us it’s OK to take care of ourselves and allow ourselves permission to put our needs first this holiday season.

Editor’s note: This article was originally published in November 2022 and updated in November 2024.